May 2011 Police Blotters

There was a lot of screaming this month in the police blotters. Some screamers were covered in paint, others were naked and one had “meat in his left hand”.

Both a llama and a donkey were reported missing over the last month, but I think it’s pretty obvious that most of these callers had lost their minds.  The award for craziest caller in May, however, goes to the man who called to complain about a woman he refers to as “Miss Macho” and who ultimately admits he is “keyed up” from his double-dose of meds.

  • 4:35 p.m. — A caller reported a woman trying to set a yard on fire.
  • 5:10 p.m. — A caller reported a woman destroying a Buddha statue and yelling the statue was evil. She was arrested on suspicion of vandalism and attempted arson.
  • 2:34 p.m. — A caller reported a man yelling and screaming and assaulting people, who was holding some meat in his left hand.
  • 4:42 a.m. — A caller reported a person screaming. A second caller reported a man covered in paint, running and screaming on the trail.
  • 3:16 p.m. — A caller reported a lost donkey named Mischief.
  • 8:10 a.m. — A man reported people might be sneaking into his residence and poisoning his food.
  • 12:54 p.m. — A caller reported a dispute with a naked, screaming man. He reportedly was under the influence of a controlled substance and suicidal. He was transported to the emergency room.
  • 1:19 a.m. — A caller reported “weird stuff going on all night.”
  • 7:31 a.m. — A man reported he had been poisoned, then hung up.
  • 11:06 a.m. — A caller reported losing a llama.
  • 4:39 a.m. – A caller reported seeing a man defecate in the middle of a parking lot.
  • 11:01 p.m. – A caller reported a mental patient, described as small and round, was in a bar having a beer.
  • 8:59 a.m. — A man called 911 because he was upset over his false teeth falling out.
  • 8:41 p.m. — A woman reported a person who called and said her father was a little girl and that she was going to die tonight.
  • 9:48 a.m. — A caller reported that an evicted tenant took appliances, cabinets, light fixtures, the heating system, the dishwasher, interior doors and the front door.
  • 2:52 a.m. — A caller reported tweekers at the motel and requested extra patrols.
  • 8:01 a.m. — A caller reported a man in a vehicle was hitting a woman and pulling her hair. When contacted, she said they were just kissing.
  • 1:07 p.m. — A man reported a woman had been drinking and assaulted him last week. He called back at 2:31 p.m. to report a 15-year-old boy had threatened him over $36 he owed. He said the woman was smoking a joint, and his fingerprints were on the joint although he had not smoked it. At 3:02 p.m., he called again to report the woman was smoking marijuana and thinks she is “Miss Macho” and can bench-press 240. He wanted the police to do a drive-by and to have a flashlight code so he could indicate whether or not she was violating probation. He said he had taken a double dose of meds today because he was “keyed up.”
  • 2:32 p.m. — A caller reported two men hosing off what appeared to be dead cattle that had their hooves cut off. The cattle appeared to be OK.
  • 7:18 a.m. — A caller reported a man in a sleeping bag on the sidewalk who was not moving. He said he was waiting for his appointment.
  • 2:07 a.m. – A caller reported a man in the passenger side of a vehicle vomited while it was in a drive-thru.
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