Police Blotters – January 2011

The New Year brought some excellent calls to the cops  — and by excellent,  I mean really bizarre. My favorites tend to be the calls from the delusional people who imagine celebrities in town (see the fight with Ethan Hawke this month), but it really doesn’t get much better than reading about a person calling the police to report time traveling-Yugoslavian midgets(!).

  • 7:58 p.m. — A caller reported a physical fight involving Ethan Hawke. The men doing the beating were shapeshifting. The actor Neville Brand also was involved.
  • 4:06 p.m. — A caller reported a man chanting and scaring people. He was found to have been singing with headphones on.
  • 12:50 p.m. — A man called to report his neighbor was screaming and grabbing his crotch as the caller’s wife and daughter drove by.
  • 9:57 a.m. — A caller reported a man had an axe wrapped in a flannel shirt that he kept taking out and flashing to people.
  • 2:41 p.m. — A woman reported her mother was picking on her and being unfair about her cat. She was advised on the proper use of 911. She called back at 6:24 p.m. to report her cat ran away and she couldn’t find her toothbrush. She was advised again of 911 usage.
  • 11:03 a.m. — A caller reported a woman behind a bar “screaming and yelling again, throwing things and driving off business.” An officer warned she would be arrested if she returned. She later was reported to be passed out in a taxi.
  • 9 a.m. — A caller reported being threatened by a relative’s boyfriend, who said he would burn the house and “clean up the City” with the caller’s “body parts.” The boyfriend was in Oregon when the threats were made, but was returning in a week.
  • 2:26 p.m. — Several callers reported a hot tub rolling down the highway. It was picked up by the owners.
  • 10:15 a.m. — A woman reported Middle Eastern or Yugoslavian midgets were kidnapping her children and shooting them back in time to 1985 or 1986.
  • 8:48 a.m. — A woman reported she had been walking when a person stopped and offered her $20 because she looked like she could use it. She was offended.
  • 12:15 a.m. – A caller reported his neighbor was shining a red hologram into every window of his home.
  • 3:38 a.m. — A man reported his wife was missing and might have been taken by the “spirit people.” She called to report she had been asleep and her husband has dementia. He called back at 3:52 a.m. to report she was missing again, and his wife said she was still OK.

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