Police Blotters – October 2010

Every month, I list my favorite calls to the police, culled from a rural, small town newspaper.

  • 6:35 p.m.— A caller reported a man was defecating in the parking lot of a medical building in the area.
  • 10:14 p.m. — A caller reported a man was screaming about his ‘crazy’ energy in the middle of a field.
  • 4:36 a.m. – A caller reported a group of males in a van with “slutsville” written on the side was driving through the area, which the caller thought was suspicious. Officers were unable to locate the vehicle.
  • 2:11 p.m. — A woman reported a malnourished potbellied pig was in her front yard.
  • 9:27 p.m. — A woman reported she needed boxes to help her move. The dispatcher told her 9-1-1 could not supply boxes.
  • 6:25 p.m. – A caller reported a partially nude man at a movie theater. He was doing naked jumping jacks in front of the theater before officers arrested him.
  • 1:58 p.m. – A caller from the hospital reported a person brought in for a psychiatric evaluation was in the lobby touching people and claiming to heal them.
  • 12:11 a.m. – A man called to report a severe bowel blockage.
  • 11:15 a.m. – A caller reported a person in a wheelchair on the highway on-ramp in traffic.
  • 2:56 p.m. — A woman reported “Frank” and four other men working for the mob were coming to the area to kill her. Frank was described as “short and stubby.”
  • 5:11 p.m. — A woman reported her husband had told her he could find a better wife, and she wanted him removed. They both had been drinking.
  • 4:36 p.m. — A caller reported a drunken man in the road who was wearing a buffalo head with horns. He was arrested on suspicion of being drunk in public.
  • 5:10 a.m. — A caller reported people being assaulted and buried under the building. The caller said Chubby Checker was also involved. The caller has made similar reports throughout the county and all are unfounded, according to police.
  • 5:15 p.m. — A caller reported a man with his face painted like a member of the Insane Clown Posse just broke a windshield of a vehicle and injured a woman.

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