Police Blotters – August 2010

Every month, I list some of the highlights from the police blotter of a small town newspaper. There’s rarely any call that seems dangerous. Mostly it seems to be crazy people or people who think the police serve as an information center.

  • 7:33 p.m. — A woman reported a black cow swimming in the irrigation canal. The cow chased her children when they tried to approach. The cow could not be located.
  • 11:16 p.m. — A caller reported people in front of the market were throwing things and head-butting each other. A woman was arrested on suspicion of child endangerment.
  • 1:51 a.m. — A woman reported people were calling her Piggy because her fiancé is a volunteer sheriff
  • 10:07 a.m. — A woman reported someone threw spaghetti sauce on her garage door.
  • 7:35 p.m. – A woman called to report her shoes were stolen from her back porch. She suspects her husband’s ex-wife is responsible.
  • 10:38 a.m. – A man called to report his ex-wife was giving him the finger and mooning him after he picked up the children during a custody exchange.
  • 10:21 a.m.- A woman called to report a man was throwing beer cans out of his window while driving.
  • 8:49 a.m. – A man called to report a loose llama was wandering in the roadway.
  • 3:37 p.m. – A woman called to report her neighbor was drunk and naked and arguing with her neighbors from her trailer. Several men were at the drunk woman’s trailer.
  • 11:40 a.m. — A woman reported her water was brown, and she also had concerns over the cost of her sewer bill. The call was forwarded to public works personnel. {I just love the implication here that the person is drinking a glass of poo.}
  • 3:16 p.m. – A woman to report hearing a child’s screams. It turned out to be a child at the hair studio next door who did not want a haircut.
  • 1:44 p.m. — A caller reported two people panhandling, including one wearing a shirt that “Grandpa.” They were gone when police arrived.
  • 10:30 p.m. — A caller reported two men stole a shopping cart, put a couch in it and left. They were found and both items would be returned. {Seems like if you wanted to steal something, you’d choose something less difficult to move.}
  • 3 p.m. — A woman reported people had been in her attic for five years and were locking her trunk from the inside.
  • 12:23 p.m. — A caller reported people playing bongo drums for two days. The person was having a garage sale and was trying to sell the drums.
  • 3:44 p.m. — A caller reported gang tagging with Satanic references.
  • 2:51 p.m. — A caller reported a 10-year-old boy sitting in the road wearing a black wig. He was gone when deputies arrived.
  • 6:31 p.m. — A woman reported her neighbor had a decomposing deer in the back yard emitting a very strong odor and will not remove it.
  • 1:14 a.m. — A caller reported men were being beaten under a hotel, one of whom looked like Hulk Hogan. Many were dead now. The caller was being threatened by people working in conjunction with midgets. They could not be located. At 6:29 a.m., the caller reported Hulk Hogan was trapped with violent men.

August Special – Police Blotters from the County Fair
Every August the county fair comes to town bringing carnival rides, corndogs, livestock, and white trash together for the feel-good event of the summer. The fair always makes an appearance in the police blotter; this year brought the following calls:

  • 10:30 p.m. — A caller reported a fight near the “Zipper” ride at the fairgrounds.
  • 10:38 p.m. — A caller reported someone had possibly had a heart attack at the “Tilt-a-Whirl” ride. The person was transported to the hospital.
  • 9:22 p.m. — A caller from the county fair reported a man in a wife-beater tank top might be trying to start a fight.
  • 6:50 p.m. — Deputies counseled an unhappy customer at the corn dog stand at the county fair.

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