Smalls Towns have the Best Police Blotters


I spent a good portion of my life in a small town in the foothills of the Sierra Nevada that is peopled with trust fund hippies and red necks. Head north and you’ll see Tibetan prayer flags. Head south and you’ll see neon crosses and American flags flying proudly over trailer parks.

A kid in high school drove a truck that on the front bumper said “Here Kitty Kitty” and on the back bumper said “Thump Thump”. Needless to say, I couldn’t wait to leave.

Now that I don’t live there, I’m starting to appreciate it a little more. I’m glad that it hasn’t become overrun with strip malls and housing developments, although it did replace the best pie place with Quiznos. There’s a terrific wine shop in the area. The town is close to a lovely river with great swimming holes. (I make an effort to get up there in the summer to swim in the river and eat tomatoes from my parent’s garden.) At times, it has a nice small town feel. At other times, it has a claustrophobic feel.

Also on the positive side, a mix of different people makes for a terrific police blotter. Almost daily, I read the police blotter of the local newspaper because it’s pretty much like reading The Onion. Here are some of the gems I’ve collected:

  • At 7:51 p.m. a 20-year-old man who described his occupation as “Gatorade drinker” was booked into the Correctional Facility for threatening a crime and assault with a deadly weapon other than a firearm. Bail was $10,000.
  • At 4:53 p.m., a man called from the 100 block of — Drive to report another man threw a bucket of chicken at him as part of continued harassment.
  • At 3:42 p.m., a caller from the 25000 block of —- Court reported that someone entered the residence, broke all the drinking glasses and carved obscenities in the living room wall.
  • At 4:48 p.m., a woman called from the 11000 block of —- Way to report a woman showed up to her residence to attend a workshop and began digging in her yard with a hammer. The woman told the caller she was burying a tracking device and was joining a cult. She later curled up into a fetal position. The caller believed the woman had mental health problems and she did not want her there. Deputies made contact. The woman went a hotel and said she would return to Mississippi.
  • At 6:12 p.m., a caller from the — Library on the 900 block of H — Street reported that a man locked himself in the bathroom and was unwilling to come out at closing time. The man had died. The Mortuary handled the call.
  • At 10:29 p.m., a caller reported a woman kneeling in —- Road wearing a fur coat and no pants. When the caller walked up to the woman, she began playing a flute. Deputies were unable to locate her.
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One Response to “Smalls Towns have the Best Police Blotters”

  1. Police Blotters - June 2007 « Whole Hog Says:

    […] Police Blotters – June 2007 June brought a wealth of new gems in this small town’s police blotter… […]

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