Police Blotters – November 2009

• 7:23 p.m. – A caller reported an upstairs neighbor kept dumping water on her when she went on her balcony to smoke. {the water dumper is my hero}.
• 7:33 a.m. — A caller reported a man was wearing black sweats that had been cut out and “showing his private areas.” He said his pants had been cut due to a medical aid call and he was given a ride to get new clothing.
• 1:14 p.m. — A woman wanted to know if the Bay Bridge was open. She was advised of the proper usage of 911.
• 3:58 p.m. — A woman reported someone used a permanent marker to draw a phallic symbol on her daughter’s vehicle that extends the length of the vehicle.
• 6:00 p.m. — A caller reported as she and her husband were arriving home, three teen girls were walking up the driveway. When the couple pulled into the garage, they found paint smeared all over the walls, windows and floors, with hearts, footprints and the word “Sorry” painted on the walls as well.
• 9:19 a.m. — A caller dialed the 911 emergency number to find out if it was Friday, Nov. 20, and said it was not an emergency. When an officer called back, the woman said she had misdialed and didn’t mean to call 911.
• 11:24 a.m. — A caller reported someone had defecated on the playground equipment at an elementary school.
• 7:36 p.m. — A caller reported a man in camo pajamas was demanding the caller’s shoes and had a bag of marijuana. A woman called at 7:43 p.m. to report the same man was “being creepy and saying strange things.” He was counseled on his behavior.
• 6:02 p.m. — A woman reported her daughter was hysterical after the woman’s boyfriend called her fat. The boyfriend had earlier thrown a telephone at the woman.
• 10:48 a.m. — A caller reported a man was “casing” the bus stop when juveniles get out of school, and he appeared to be carrying a screwdriver. No crime was found to have occurred.
• 2:26 p.m. — A caller reported a “dog-propelled wheelchair issue.” The person was waiting for the bus.
• 1:57 p.m. — A man reported someone came to his residence and took a 1970s-model travel trailer held together with duct tape.
• 9:52 p.m. — A caller reported the strong smell of burning bones in the area.
• 1:01 p.m. — A woman reported a vehicle with teens who wished her a happy Thanksgiving. She was concerned they were casing the area.
• 1:03 p.m. — A caller reported graffiti on a brick wall at the church that included the word “Satan” in large letters.

Police Blotters – October 2009

• 9:46 a.m. — A caller reported feces was smeared on an office door.
• 10:11 a.m. — A caller reported seeing a loose buffalo in the area.
• 1:27 p.m. — A caller reported a chicken on a fence.
• 4:54 p.m. — A caller reported a man with a beard and a Santa hat was passed out in the laundry room. He was gone when officers arrived.
• 11:08 a.m. — A caller reported a large yak by the road. The owner was to attempt to corral it. {this is very strange: neither yaks nor buffalo are common in the area.}
• 4:45 p.m. — A woman reported a man possibly casing her house. When she looked out the window, he gave her the finger.
• 2:54 p.m. — A man reported his estranged wife tried to throw a deep fryer at him. It was off and the oil was cold. She also struck a female friend of his. The woman called and reported her husband poured oil on her and hit her. Neither party wanted to press charges.
• 10:42 a.m. — A man reported his neighbor was yelling that he wants to die. He said his neighbor yells like this often.
• 9:44 a.m. — A caller reported a “Mexian” wearing “Mexian clothing” was sending money by the mail.{I assume this is a typo and they meant Mexican}
• 2:47 p.m. — A caller reported a man in the street with a large hat and dreadlocks, dancing to his own beat.
• 2:51 p.m. — A caller reported two severed deer legs in the road.
• 7:52 p.m. — A caller reported someone went into a barn and moved a bale of hay.
• 12:55 p.m. — A woman reported she thought there was a bear in her basement. An Animal Control officer could hear a snoring sound, but no bear was found.
• 10:37 p.m. — A man reported hearing a woman screaming, It was found to be a loud TV.
• 11:40 p.m. — A woman called to say she stopped for a man in the roadway who then threw himself on her car, crawled up the hood and growled. She said the man seemed disoriented.
• 4:22 p.m. — A caller reported a neighbor was harboring five skunks that play with the neighbor’s cats. The smell was very strong and “chewy.” The person was advised to call Animal Control.
• 1:26 p.m. – A caller said that while he was walking, an elderly driver’s vehicle struck him without injury, but the man who was about 80 got out of the vehicle, shoved the caller to the ground and drove away. Officers are investigating the matter.
• 4:03 p.m. — A caller reported a man possibly wearing a Halloween costume that included a gas mask and bloody clothing was following people to their vehicles. It was a group of juveniles from the high school drama club trying to sell tickets to a haunted house.
• 9:11 p.m. — A woman reported three people running down the road. She believed it was a little too late to be jogging at this time of night.
• 12:32 p.m. — A man reported being the victim of credit card fraud. He said this had happened to him 22 times in the past.

Police Blotters – September 2009

• 12:58 a.m. — A caller reported seeing a mountain lion. No mountain lion was spotted, but a dog the color of a mountain lion was seen.
• 11:52 a.m. — A caller reported needing Animal Control to assist with an injured buffalo.
• 1:15 p.m. – A caller reported that a man brought drugs into his house the night before and vandalized a wind chime.
• 9:05 a.m. — A man reported his neighbor whistles at his fiancee when she uses the restroom.
• 9:08 p.m. — A man reported a bear had gotten into his daughter’s chicken coop the last two nights. It was gone, but he was concerned it would return. He said California Fish and Game would not respond unless the bear was on his property, and he was going to sit in his vehicle and wait for the bear to return. He was planning to use a flashlight to scare it off. He was advised not to wait for the bear and to stay indoors. He said the deputy didn’t know his daughter in regard to the importance of her chicken coops, and said he was 94 years old and “if a bear decided to retire him, then so be it.” He said he would call back if the bear showed up.
• 8:23 a.m. — A woman reported hearing someone in her residence. She said someone was in her attic the night before. She said she had located and turned in a terrorist six years ago and the FBI had been staying in her attic since then. Last night, they got drunk and were making noise. The house was searched and no one was located.
• 7:39 p.m. — A man reported people were in his living room who would not leave. There were three or four men and two women who did not speak English and who would go outside and hide, then come back in. His medication was adjusted.
• 8:42 p.m. — A caller reported people were firing shots over a wheelbarrow. A person threatened to shoot the caller earlier in the evening over the wheelbarrow. The suspect was leaving in an SUV with the wheelbarrow on top. The caller agreed to put his gun away and would wait for a deputy. Neither party wanted “to be the victim.”

Police Blotters – August 2009

• 9:17 a.m. — A caller reported a woman urinating on the side of the road with her pants down.
• 10:29 p.m. — A caller from a business reported a man was posing as a store employee. He was asked to leave but returned, wearing a poncho. He was gone when officers arrived. A caller called at 10:59 p.m. to report a man wearing a long gray poncho.
• 1:43 p.m. — A caller reported a mailman found a dead cat in a mailbox.
• 3:49 a.m. — A man reported his wife was being kept from him spiritually. He did not want to file a report.
• 11:31 a.m. — A caller dialed 911, though the caller was originally attempting to call 411 to ask for Courtney Love’s phone number. The caller said she was unable to get assistance after telling the operator her name was Kurt Cobain.
• 10:32 a.m. — A caller said that a man with a Rasta hat, two children and a dog were asked to leave. The man be came belligerent, and refused to leave.
• 11:04 p.m. — A caller reported that two men, dressed in black, were beating on a large white van, stating they were going to “kill you with a knife.” Witnesses said the individuals were “just kidding.”
• 8:21 a.m. — A woman reported someone sprayed Cheez Whiz on her car.
• 2:48 p.m. — A woman reported her drunken neighbor pushed her and wouldn’t leave. She had locked herself inside the residence. She believed the neighbor was a prostitute. The woman was arrested on suspicion of battery, being drunk in public and being under the influence of a controlled substance.
• 9:40 p.m. — A caller reported two or three men possibly “doing mushrooms.”
• 10:15 p.m. — A man reported a dune buggy without an exhaust pipe was riding through his property.
• 8:10 p.m. — A man reported a man threatened him. He said he had recorded video of the man’s wife exposing her breasts during a Guitar Hero game and had sent her a teasing text message about it. Her husband saw the message and became jealous, feeling he was trying to steal his wife. He threatened to kill the caller and shove his privates down his throat. The caller did not want to file a criminal complaint, however.

Police Blotters – July 2009

There were some truly bizarre calls to the police in July. Does hot summer weather make people a little crazy?

• 10:36 a.m.— A caller said someone threw smoke bombs on his vehicle and melted the carpet.
• 8:24 p.m. — A caller reported an odd smell, possibly drugs “cooking.” It was a dead deer.
• 9:23 p.m. — A child called 911 and asked for a hamburger.
• 11:39 a.m. — A caller reported a woman stuck in a window. It was found to be the housekeeper, who was locked out of the house and who was attempting to get in.
• 10:31 a.m. — A woman reported a homeless camp. Police found children had set up a fort.
• 6:58 p.m. — A woman reported a man screaming in front of her residence.She said he had defecated in the yard, then put it in a plastic bag and tossed it in the trash.
• 6:59 p.m. – A caller from a public park called to report that the women’s bathroom was out of toilet paper and towels.
• 7:21 p.m. – A woman reported her father who works for the military had bugged her residence and put “gross anatomy taps” inside her. The caller said she wanted assistance getting rid of the camera in her eyeball and taps inside her body.
• 12:50 p.m. —A woman reported a rogue tortoise in her yard.
• 10:23 a.m. — A caller reported a swarm of bees.
• 8:41 p.m. — A woman reported a woman spit on her head.
• 6:19 p.m. — A caller from a business reported a woman going behind the counter, creating a disturbance. The woman was there to check the freezers.
• 9:26 a.m. — A caller reported a cat in a tree. The caller was counseled regarding misuse of 911.
• 3:16 p.m. — A caller reported a man in a yellow truck had been in the area for a few days. He gets out of his truck and talks to the ground. He also had cut down a tree.
• 10:39 p.m. — A man reported a bald man was walking through his yard.
• 8:55 a.m. — A man reported someone blew up his garbage can at 2 a.m.
• 12:27 p.m. — A caller reported that his tenant has put “alligator clips” on his phone line.
• 8:25 p.m. – A caller said a neighbor was outside and naked all day, screaming at and beating his child. Deputies discovered the claim to be unfounded.
• 9:42 a.m. — A caller reported the theft of a Pebble Beach 2010 U.S. Open baseball cap from an unlocked garage several days ago.
• 1:43 p.m. — A 911 call was made. Breathing was heard but no one would respond. It was found to possibly have been puppies that dialed the phone.
• 6:08 p.m. —A woman reported her tenant was using her barbecue against her wishes.

Police Blotters – June 2009

• 2:14 p.m. — A caller reported the theft of a tortoise. The tortoise was found to have walked down to the lake.
• 3:07 p.m. — A man reported he was assaulted by his neighbor after their dogs began fighting. He said the neighbor’s dog attacked his dog and when he kicked the dog to stop the attack, the dog attacked him. He said he defended himself by nearly choking the dog unconscious. The neighbor then hit him in the back with a full wine bottle to get him to release his chokehold. He did not need medical attention, but said the neighbor told him he was going to get a shotgun. Neither party wished to press charges.
• 8:18 a.m. — A caller reported someone put what could be yogurt all over a vehicle. {Key words: “could be”.}
• 6:45 p.m. — A caller reported a man stumbling into traffic. He was found to not be drunk. {Just clumsy?}
• 8:16 a.m. — A woman reported someone had been entering her residence, eating food and making phone calls.
• 7:12 p.m. — A woman reported she had been pretending to call the police because her 5-year-old son was acting bad and the boy then called 911. He told the dispatcher he called because “Mommy was lying.” He was advised on the proper use of 911.
• 11:43 a.m. – A caller reported a neighbor who was not mentally ill was leaving incoherent and very religious phone messages to local residents.
• 10:42 p.m. – A caller reported someone threw a dummy onto the road, causing drivers to swerve.
• 9:10 p.m. – A caller reported that she was out for about four to five hours and when she returned, her shower was running with hot water.
• 2:37 p.m. — A man called for a welfare check on his wife. Her son called to tell him she was acting crazy and talking about God and ponies. A neighbor called at 9:06 p.m. to report she was flipping out, on the neighbor’s property, banging on the ground and calling for angels. The woman was arrested on suspicion of disturbing the peace.
• 11:18 a.m. — A caller reported two small girls climbing the scaffolding behind a movie theater. The two women were employees.
• 6:41 p.m. — A caller reported neighborhood kids stuck plastic forks, tines up, in the lawn.
• 8:25 p.m. — A caller reported a neighbor was yelling and vomiting on the front porch. He was found not to be drunk.
• 3:07 a.m. — A caller reported loud karaoke. Two men agreed to turn it down.
• 9:10 p.m. – A caller reported someone broke into her house through the bathroom window and took her daughter’s purse and pair of shorts.
• 11:29 p.m. – A caller from the emergency room reported a woman’s son bit the tip of her thumb off.
• 4:30 p.m. — A caller from a business reported a man with no shoes had come in twice to ask for a Bible and was scaring customers.
• 10:40 p.m. — A caller from a business reported a “karate guy” was causing a disturbance.
• 2:20 p.m. — A woman reported finding a rectangular black sheet in her car after leaving it unlocked. It was found to be an insert from her reusable grocery bag that fell out in her car.
• 6:09 p.m. — A caller reported a drunken uncle was refusing to leave. He then left, but returned at 7:30 p.m. and was ringing the doorbell. He agreed to leave and was waiting for someone to pick him up. {I love the description of a drunk uncle, as if everyone’s got one who periodically shows up and refuses to leave.}
• 9:37 a.m. — A caller from a business reported a singing man was bothering the customers.
• 11:17 p.m. – A caller complained of a loud wedding. The home was called and the nuptials were calmed.

Police Blotters – May 2009

• 11:54 a.m. — A woman reported her green Honda was stolen Saturday by a man named Jimmy.
• 3:24 a.m. — A man reported his roommate was going crazy with a machete and he needed his lip sewn up. Officers found the roommate in bed asleep when they arrived.
• 10:21 p.m. — A caller from a business reported a naked man banging on the door. A man was arrested on suspicion of indecent exposure, battery, being under the influence of a controlled substance and battery on a peace officer.
• 10:19 a.m. — A caller reported finding human teeth buried in the yard.
• 11:55 a.m. — A caller reported a “cardboard cat” was in the middle of the road last night and the caller removed it.
• 8:48 p.m. —A man reported his son “took exception” to being asked to clean his room and hit him in the jaw.
• 5:20 p.m. — A man reported his neighbor came into his house uninvited while he was sleeping. The neighbor allegedly came in his room with a bottle of wine and asked him to open the wine. The man’s dog bit the neighbor “on the butt.”
• 5:56 p.m. — A man reported receiving third-hand information that a man was being held against his will and “only being fed KFC.”
• 2:04 p.m. – A caller reported someone driving a red Hyundai taking loose baby wild turkeys.
• 8:30 a.m. — A caller reported a blue and white cooler sitting in a planter. The caller was concerned it might be a bomb. The cooler was found not to be a bomb.
• 9:53 p.m. – An intoxicated female caller reported her roommate just got on a tractor and broke down the front door with it. The woman wanted the man arrested for ripping the porch off the house with the tractor and using it to break out double glass doors to her trailer. Officers told the woman the man owned the trailer and could do anything he wanted to it. {I can’t understand at all what’s happening in this entry at all, but there’s something so odd about tearing off a porch with a tractor that I had to include it.}
• 2:00 p.m. — A caller from a business reported finding a note on a trash can that said “I want to kill someone today.”
• 3:29 p.m. — A caller reported a dog had been stolen in October 2007.
• 8:03 p.m. — A caller reported a man with a collapsible baton following a couple.
• 10:10 p.m. — A caller reported his neighbor was playing his drums loudly.
• 5:15 p.m. — A caller reported an 8- or 9-year-old boy was driving a blue Honda around the parking lot. The vehicle then left, possibly driven by the boy’s grandmother. {Or, possibly driven by an 8-9 year old boy. No need to be alarmed.}
• 7:29 p.m. — A caller reported a man looking at his reflection in cars and screaming at himself.
• 9:18 a.m. — A caller reported a dog bite to the rear.
• 9:51 a.m. — A caller reported finding a full catheter bag on the caller’s property. The caller would take it to the hospital for disposal. {How does one lose a catheter bag? Actually, I’d rather not know.}
• 12:48 a.m. — A caller from a business reported a woman with dreadlocks tried to use an ID that wasn’t hers. The caller kept the ID. {I love it when they include such defining characteristics as dreadlocks or a mullet. In this area of California, both are quite common.}
• 6:30 p.m. — A caller wanted information as to the legality of Spanish Fly.

Police Blotters – April 2009

• 4:19 p.m. — A caller reported a man standing on the side of the road with his pants down.
• 6:18 p.m. — A man reported people were moving his lawn ornaments around.
• 5:31 p.m. — A caller requested police department contact because a squirrel was on her screen door.
• 5:53 p.m. — A caller reported a possible bobcat or mountain lion on top of a carport. When police arrived, they determined it was a large domestic cat.
• 1:27 a.m. — A woman reported she had a rat stuck in a trap and it was making noise. {I have to admit that as inappropriate as it is, I, too, would be tempted to call the police to deal with rodents.}
• 12:35 p.m. — A caller reported a woman in a wheelchair was in the middle of the road, swinging her arms.
• 9:32 p.m. — A woman reported she called because she “didn’t feel right” in her residence. However, she was OK now.
• 6:18 p.m. — A caller from a business reported a man with “almost a fro” stole three energy drinks and a bag of potato chips.
• 2:05 a.m. — A man reported his roommate had been drinking and was “disillusioned.” He said the roommate believed he doesn’t exist and was in his room with a machete.
• 8:05 p.m. — A woman reported she had gotten home and her refrigerator had been ransacked. It was found to have been an exploded soda in the freezer.
• 4:37 p.m. – A caller requested an ambulance for a man with constipation.
• 10:30 p.m. – A caller reported a woman running from a man who was described as wearing a black tank top with a Harley emblem on the back and brown, shoulder length hair possibly styled in a mullet. {Given the tank top, I think it’s safe to assume the hair was definitely a mullet.}
• 9:57 p.m. — A caller reported a woman threw a bottle, several eggs and a “bottle of chili” at a vacant apartment.

Police Blotters – March 2009

• 5:03 p.m. — A caller reported a man was on the property and set up a “teepee-type thing.”
• 3:29 p.m. — A caller reported that a male subject was on their property cutting wood. When the neighbor advised him to leave, the man pulled down his pants and exposed his rear end to her.
• 6:22 a.m. — A woman reported her neighbor was “banging loudly” at 4:30 a.m.
• 7:23 a.m. — A caller reported a woman was “yelling at Jesus.” The woman had been arrested last night.
• 3:01 p.m. — A caller reported someone trying to sell meat and seafood out of a vehicle.
• 4:22 p.m. — A caller reported someone was selling meat out of a truck.
• 5:27 a.m. — A woman reported hearing people downstairs. It was found to be the heater.
• 1:54 a.m. — A woman reported she and her boyfriend were high on mushrooms and he was stating he was going to kill her. The boyfriend came to the telephone and said he did not intend to kill her, they were “exchanging feelings.”
• 9:34 a.m. — A caller reported a woman wearing no pants (but wearing panties) had been asked to leave a business. She was located and said she found her pants and would keep them on.
• 4:26 p.m. — A man reported being drugged. The substance appeared to be moldy cheese.
• 5:20 p.m. — A caller reported someone selling steaks out a vehicle. Another caller reported at 6:21 p.m. that someone was selling meat out of the back of a black pickup truck.
• 7:35 p.m. — A caller reported receiving a call on his cell phone from a subject who sounded out of breath and was “gurgling.”
• 2:44 p.m. — A woman reported she paid a man to do yard work, and now one of her plants is missing. He frequently stands at the front of her property and yells obscenities at her.
• 2:09 p.m. — A caller from the hospital reported a man was in the emergency room, saying he was going to shoot everyone if he didn’t receive medical attention. He did not have a gun.
• 12:22 p.m. — A caller near the Pine Creek Laundromat reported that he found a suspicious item that he said belonged to the Department of Justice.
• 12:48 p.m. — A caller reported an argument with the neighbors about peacocks running loose. The neighbor said the initial caller verbally assaulted her and the other party’s donkeys are running around and her peacocks have nothing to do with it.
• 10:50 a.m. — A caller said a local business had refused to accept the return of an item they had purchased there.
• 11:21 a.m. — A caller reported a local gas station had possibly stolen money from her bank account. {I just love the use of “possibly” in this entry.}
• 2:13 p.m. — A caller reported finding six to seven bags of marijuana on the south side of the roadway. Upon contact, law enforcement determined the material was “leftover shake.”
• 12:54 a.m. — A man reported hearing funny noises. The man sounded confused and said a movie had scared him.
• 1:44 a.m. — A woman reported seeing a very red and glowing chimney on a house near hers.
• 12:23 p.m. — A man reported an ongoing issue with his neighbor yelling and screaming obscenities at him. He said he also has vehicles trespassing on his property. The neighbor said he was upset that the man was raising llamas on the property. The neighbor admitted yelling at the man, including calling the llamas (expletive) camels. They were advised to resolve the issue civilly.
• 8:24 p.m. — An elderly woman called 911 and wanted to know if 911 was the correct number to dial in an emergency. She did not have an emergency.

Police Blotters – February 2009

• 10:28 p.m. — A caller reported a fake cat in the roadway.
• 5:32 p.m. — A caller said that someone egged her home, and had previously left a bag of fecal matter on her porch.
• 10:17 a.m. — A woman reported someone was tormenting and belittling her.
• 1:32 a.m. — A woman reported her neighbor was being loud, and when she confronted him, he became irate and started yelling he “wants to kill the dog and go to state prison.”
• 3:01 p.m. — A woman said she was assaulted earlier, and 20 pairs of jeans were stolen from her house the previous night, along with her identity.
• 2:43 p.m. — A man reported neighborhood children whistling very loudly.
• 8:18 p.m. — A woman reported her neighbors were on her property staring at her.
• 8:49 a.m. — A caller from a middle school reported a man came to the school at about 7:30 a.m. and kept insisting he needed to see teachers that he had more than 20 years ago. He was “shaving and brushing his teeth in the office.” He was told he could not be on campus during school hours.
• 1:31 p.m. — A caller reported their marijuana had been stolen.
• 2:28 p.m. — A caller reported his wife was acting “crazy” and had pulled his hair.
• 4:54 p.m. — A caller reported a man they did not know with multiple tattoos on his left arm was passed out on a bed in a second-story room. Responding deputies arrested the man for resisting arrest and trespassing.
• 9:52 a.m. — A caller reported seeing a dark sedan with a man strapped to the hood with a fire hose. The vehicle could not be located.
• 11:26 a.m. — A woman reported her neighbor tried to run her over with his wheelchair.
• 9:39 a.m. — A caller reported a man in a cowboy hat and a duster was yelling and screaming.
• 8:39 a.m. — A man reported his caretakers were threatening him with “a fist” and “a fork.”
• 4:33 p.m. — A woman reported a man took photos of her and her husband while they were shoveling snow. The man threatened to show the photos to the Social Security Administration because the couple is on disability. She said the man refused to help them shovel the snow and was trying to set them up. She said she was using a “pooper scooper” to shovel the snow.
• 4:51 p.m. – A caller reported her neighbor pushed her and took a cigarette. The parties were advised to stay away from each other.
• 5:46 p.m. – A man reported a neighbor who regularly “peeled out” in front of his house and “flipped him off.” The caller informed law enforcement he believed the neighbor had loosened lug nuts on his tractor.
• 9:55 a.m. — A caller reported he would be shooting mistletoe out of a tree at 10:30 a.m.
• 10:25 a.m. — A woman from Minnesota called to request a welfare check on her sister. She said she called her wheelchair-bound sister and all she heard on the line was panting. The sister was contacted; her husband had answered the phone and thought it was a telemarketer, so he left the phone off the hook while working out on his exercise machine.
• 3:51 p.m. — A caller reported a silver four-door vehicle was heading toward the highway with a woman on the hood who appeared to be in an argument with the driver. The woman, who was blonde, was last seen taking off her clothing.
• 3:52 a.m. — A woman reported her daughter came to her in spirit and reported she was in a traffic accident.